


deep blue sea

by Mamichigo



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Banter, Bittersweet, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Ocean, Riku Has Issues (Kingdom Hearts)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:27:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22294057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamichigo/pseuds/Mamichigo
Summary: It was such a reckless thing, his desire, his drive, all the feelings that started this whole thing—loud and bitter things that screamed in his chest until Riku could no longer bear staying without letting it all out.Perhaps sensing his turmoil, Sora wrapped his free hand around Riku's waist, successfully pulling him from his thoughts. Even now, Riku couldn't keep himself from smiling at him."You're really something else," Riku said quietly. Sora made a questioning noise, and Riku ran his hand through the brunet hair. "What did you come with for, hm?"---What if Riku and Sora actually escaped the Destiny Islands on a boat?
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 85





	1. day

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this in a bout of inspiration and refused to give on the idea, no matter how niche it felt. I just had a bad case of Kingdom Hearts feelings (tm)  
> Makes jazz hands
> 
> Edit: this will have a sequel because I do what I want

It was quiet, out in the sea; even the sounds of the waves were hushed, calm. Riku was thankful for it, however, knowing that if the ocean were to fill with even a third of the rage it was capable of showing, their little wooden boat wouldn't survive the storm. And while Riku was fine with that kind of ending, he was less keen on letting Sora die for a plan that had been mostly Riku's to begin with. With a huff, he wiped his dripping brow and rowed more vigorously, encouraged by his own thoughts to put effort into the action, instead of half-assing it.

Not that Riku  intended to slack off, but even his arms were getting tired by now, and though he could move them through the initial burn, the numbness locked his limbs in place. Riku wouldn't be surprised if, by the end of this journey, he was to be incapable of moving his shoulders for awhile, if it at all.

That was another thing that Riku didn't mean to do, but did all the same: the spiral of thoughts that tittered on the edge of fatalistic, like there was no outcome to this that would be wholly positive, his entire being convinced there would be a drawback, a punishment. There was a possibility it was simply the exhaustion talking, some kind of fever caused by looking out at the sea for so long while the sun burned at his head, even through the hat he had worn to protect him from the raya. But then again, it might be just the nature of the situation.

After all, Riku had wanted to go not due to a longing for a happier ending, but for a middle that allowed him to escape. Each day, the water taunted him as it glittered in the sunlight, showing that he was still as surrounded by it as he had been back in the Islands. Even so, he was sure this was better: while the air still tasted of salt, it was also easier to breathe. The world was open, instead of crumbling walls closing in on him. That sensation was worth everything, no matter what was there to be found on the other side of the ocean.

Riku heaved a sigh, movements slowing down as he looked to Sora, sitting next to him while rowing, his pace perfectly synchronized with Riku's, his face scrunched up in a look of concentration. Ruku had always pictured, from the very moment he thought of crossing the ocean to find something new, that he would be alone for it. He had no inclinations for it to be that way, knowing that the loneliness would creep in sooner rather than later, but never deluding himself into hoping that anyone would be willing to follow after him.

As many times before, Riku had failed to account for the force of nature that Sora was. As if Sora would ever  allow him to up and run without at least taking Sora with him. He released another breath, somewhere between a chuckle and a scoff, not entirely certain what to feel in reaction to that fact.

The sound made Sora pause, and that was apparently when he noticed their rhythm had been thrown off balance. It took a moment for him to adjust to the slow paddle that Riku had adopted once his mind drifted off, but when he did, Sora looked up at Riku to study his face, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Hey, you okay, Riku?" He asked.

Shaking his head, Riku made a dismissive gesture, breaking his gaze from its transfixed stare on Sora. "Yeah, it's nothing."

Sora didn't look at all convinced by his nonchalance. "You Sure? I mean, you're never one to slow down like that." Grinning, he knocked his shoulder against Riku's. "And I would know, since you're always complaining that my arms aren't rowing fast enough."

Riku knocked him right back, though it was so gentle it barely jostled Sora, more a brush of skin on skin. "Hey, I'm not that bad." He made sure Sora could fully see the smirk on his face as he said, "Besides, it's not my fault that you have noodles for arms."

It was Sora's turn to yell an indignant "Hey!", his knuckles playfully digging into Riku's biceps. "Just because  you decided you're gonna be buff doesn't make everyone else noodles. You're the one who deviated from the norm, Riku."

"Ah, you right," Riku conceded. "Guess the least I can do is have mercy on poor, weak humans like you, instead of picking on them, huh?" He paused to pinch the soft underside of Sora's upper arm, laughing when he squeaked and pulled his elbows to his side to get away from Riku's touch. "Even if they deserve it."

"You're literally so full of yourself with your muscles and your pretty  silver hair." Sora made a face at him, and Riku only smiled serenely. In retaliation, Sora pushed his palm to Riku's face, forcing his head to lean back. "You're gonna anger the gods, Riku. Are you sure you want to face divine wrath?"

It would be easy to wrestle Sora away if they were on land, but the boat was already swaying too wildly for comfort, the hand Riku had put on the edge of the wood to balance himself being licked by the water as the boat tilted to his side.

"Sora— Your hand—" Riku tried to say, though it was difficult when his words were muffled and he dissolved into laughter whenever he opened his mouth. Riku took a deep breath and held Sora's wrist, keeping him in place for long enough for himself to be able to talk. "Stop it, you dork, you're gonna get water all over our supplies."

Gasping, Sora sprung away—or at least as  away as he could get within the small space of the boat.

"Not the ration bars!" Sora said, dramatically pulling a face of desperation. "What will I do without its delicious taste?!"

"Oh shush, you know those are keeping us alive."

"All I'm saying, maybe some seawater would actually improve the nothing flavoring."

Riku raised his eyebrows at him. "You're free to try that on your own bar next time we eat."

Absurdly enough, Sora seemed to put some actual thought into that possibility, humming to himself before finally shaking his head. "Nah, probably not a good idea."

"Glad we're on the same page."

Placated for now, Sora shuffled around until he was leaning back on his elbows, his legs outstretched with one of them hanging on the side of the boat. He didn't seem to mind that his pantleg was getting wet.

"So?" Sora prompted meaningfully.

Riku peered down at him and cocked his head. "So...?"

"The question I asked, silly!" Riku continued to stare at him. "If you're okay, that's what I want to know."

The sigh that he let out this time was fond, if a little exasperated. "We're still on that topic?"

"I mean, you didn't exactly answer me." Riku had a retort on the tip of his tongue, but as soon as he opened his mouth, Sora narrowed his eyes at him. "Not  truthfully. "

"I didn't sign up for sincere time."

"It's always sincere time, you brooding doofus."

"You're the doofus."

Not at all slowed down by the topic being derailed for the second time, Sora sat up and, with quick fingers, pressed his palm to Riku's cheeks, squashing them slightly. Like this, Riku was forced to face Sora, and he could already feel his resolve crumbling when sky-blue eyes looked into his.

"Are. You. Okay?" Sora asked again, more emphatically than ever.

Sora's eyes had always possessed something to them that pulled Riku in, which was why he didn't make a habit of looking at them, lest he do something stupid while under whatever spell Sora's gaze was able to cast on him. This time was no different, and he had to hastily look away and squeeze his lips shut before he gave voice to thoughts that were never meant to see the light of the day.

Seeing as Riku was no more inclined to be upfront about his answer, Sora squeezed his cheeks, but let on after a few seconds. His touch turned gentle, thumbs gently caressing him.

"Hey," Sora said quietly. Riku didn't move. "C'mon, look at me?"

Unable to refuse the command—even if it wasn't truly one—, Riku did as asked. Looking at Sora was no less magnetic then, and Riku felt himself leaning closer without meaning to.

"I'm worried about you, you know?" Sora tried, though it only made Riku frown. Having none of that, Sora pressed his thumb to Riku's nose and smiled teasingly. "I mean, you haven't even complained that we're not rowing yet. And it's been, like, five whole minutes already!"

That manged to pull a chuckle out of Riku, and Sora took the opportunity to poke at the dimple that appeared. "You're full of jokes."

"I'm made of them," Sora agreed. "But hey, I can't help being concerned about you. Plus, we're in the middle of nowhere, so not like I can exactly ignore your strange mood until you're ready to stop brooding."

"I know," Riku said. "I know. I just..." He ran a hand through his hair. "I guess the sea is just getting to me."

Sora blinked at him. "I'd be surprised if it wasn't. Hm..." He took a moment to think with himself, letting go of Riku as he did so. "Maybe you should rest. Both of us should."

"Sora, we can't just—"

"Not for long! I promise!" Sora hurried to reassure. "But we've been rowing for so long, and it's really hot today, which I don't think is doing us any good." He sheepishly scratched at his cheek. "I've been feeling kinda oozy for awhile now, but I pretty much just ignored it."

It was stupid that it took Sora stating it outright for Riku to notice the signs that Sora's body wasn't fairing all that well. While he had been hearing Sora's breathing, even focusing on it to keep himself centered, he never quite realized that the sound was faster than it usually was, and Sora's chest was heaving with each intake of breath. Not only that, but his uncovered shoulders were bright red, the same color that his cheeks were, even under his hat. He was also blinking too rapidly, his eyes watery and irritated. It was stupid, and he  felt stupid.

"I'm sorry, Sora," he whispered, "I didn't notice."

"Listen, let's just rest under the sheet and call it even, how about that?"

Riku could see what Sora was doing, what with Riku's tendency to follow whatever order was given to him, as long as it ensured Sora's safety, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He could dissuade Sora's concern and make sure he wouldn't collapse from heatstroke right here, where there would be nothing Riku could do to help him, so all in all resting didn't sound like a bad idea.

"Deal," Riku said. "But only until you feel better."

"Sounds good to me."

It took some shuffling around to get themselves settled with their sheet over the both of them, and they ended up pressed close together, each holding one side of the sheet up over their heads, creating a shade against the Sun. Sora leaned heavily into Riku's side, sighing in relief as he did so.

"You need some water?" Riku asked, not entirely convinced that just the makeshift shade would be enough to counter Sora's bad condition.

"Nah, better to conserve it if we can," Sora replied. He turned his head so his cheek and the side of his nose were flush against Riku's ribcage. "You never know if we're gonna have some kind of emergency later."

"I suppose so," Riku murmured, a new wave of guilt filling him up to the top, making his body heavier. His shoulders sagged, though he tried not to jostle Sora too much, wanting to at least grant him this one little comfort.

The following silence was familiar, but one that hung heavy for Riku—not like Sora's weight against him, solid, grounding and perfect, but something that brought him further down, too dense and hefty at his shoulders, his ankles, his stomach. Riku tried to shuffle against its grip, wondering if this was better after all. If it was this he truly wanted: the waves whispering, his body surrounded by heat, his lips cracked and painful when he chewed on them insistently. Land a few more days away, and Sora somewhat sick.

He also tried to not to feel too horrible when a sick sense of satisfaction was to be found deep down at his core, colors of hysteric liberation painting the parts of him that he was too afraid to let Sora know existed. It was such a reckless thing, his desire, his drive, all the feelings that started this whole thing—loud and bitter things that screamed in his chest until Riku could no longer bear staying without letting it all out.

Perhaps sensing his turmoil, Sora wrapped his free hand around Riku's waist, successfully pulling him from his thoughts. Even now, Riku couldn't keep himself from smiling at him.

"You're really something else," Riku said quietly. Sora made a questioning noise, and Riku ran his hand through the brunet hair. "What did you come with for, hm?"

Like he had been expecting the question, Sora wasn't fazed by it when it came; he didn't even bother looking up at Riku, though he did blow a raspberry as he pressed his mouth to the ticklish side of Riku's ribs, making the boy squirm.

"It was never up to debate, really," Sora said.

Riku frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You are here, so I'm here as well. That's all." Sora pressed himself harder, closer, like he was trying to melt into Riku's skin. "There is no future— No, there is no world where I don't follow you. I know where a belong."

Riku inhaled sharply through his teeth, no doubt sounding like he was in pain—which was accurate to how he felt, with pressure building behind his sternum, knocking insistently like something that wanted to get out. By instinct, Riku raised a hand to his chest, afraid it might be his own heart attempting to leap, to offer itself entirely to Sora. There was no doubt in him that he  would  give it to Sora willingly, but so much of himself belonged to the boy already, Riku feared there would be nothing of himself left.

It was overwhelming, to feel affection like this, more so when his mind was fuzzy along the edges, when the color of the ocean and the sky, almost perfectly merged into one, seemed to make Sora's eyes brighter, when there were constellations of freckles on Sora's shoulders, neck and cheeks. Riku was torn between wanting to keep Sora inside a box, where he could be preserved just as he is now, or letting him completely free, because Sora was so much bigger than any box could contain him, and nothing Riku did would be able to capture the essence of him.

For an entire moment, Riku felt like he had forgotten how to breathe, but instead of making him claustrophobic, this turned his body lighter, but also feverish. Burning bright hot with too many emotions. He couldn't put a lid on all of this, but any more of it might also shatter him into a billion indiscernible pieces.

Riku pulled Sora into an one-armed hug, burying half his face in his hair. His eyelids lowered, but stayed open only far enough so the horizon is a blurry landscape, his vision filled with deep blue.

"You're such a sap," Riku said, and hoped it didn't sound as shaky as it did to his own ears.

"Sure am!" Sora agreed easily. Riku chuckled and hugged him tighter. He murmured something against a lock of hair, though Riku was no longer keeping track of his own words, or even thoughts.

Though, at the moment, Riku was sure that whatever made it out of his mouth was a proclamation of love, as he was incapable of saying anything else.


	2. night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's always harder once the world goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sadder than the previous, so please be warned and proceed with caution.
> 
> Sometimes, it gets worse before it can get better.

Riku knew the calm couldn't last. He knew, and yet he hoped, ignored the dark clouds approaching them in the distant horizon. During the day, they were a stark grey that put lines of worry on Sora's forehead, around his mouth and his eyes. Riku found himself wanting to smooth it out, but his concern was too great, and turned him incapable of saying with confidence that they would be alright. Instead, he squared his shoulders and rowed harder, quicker, well into the night, even after Sora had collapsed into a deep sleep.

This late, when the darkness outstretched in every direction, pulling them into black waters, Riku couldn't see the clouds. The only indication that they loomed above them was the absence of stars, the lack of moonlight above or reflected in the infinite shadows. Riku gritted his teeth, the tension in his body rising as he felt the first drops of rain hit his shoulder, and the boat swayed ever so slightly.

For a moment, it felt as if his nerves had ceased all operations; he couldn't move, even when his skin turned colder with each blow of the wind and each new raindrop.

Quietly, privately, Riku wondered if this was the day his journey suffered from an abrupt end. He swallowed a hysterical laughter bubbling in his throat, but held a hand to his mouth just to be sure it wouldn't escape. He wasn't sure what the emotion in the pit of his stomach was.

Perhaps sensing his turmoil, Sora stirred and groaned, never waking up, but shuffling closer to Riku's knees. He startled a bit at the sudden noise, but looked down at Sora and heaved a long, shaky sigh. Curled in the small space of the boat, Sora didn't look particularly comfortable, but there was nothing Riku could do about that.

What he  _ could _ do was to reach for the edge of the waterproof sheet (and wasn't Riku glad he had the foresight of taking one with them) to tuck it more securely around Sora. For a long moment, he debated if he should cover Sora's face as well to keep it safe from the rain, unsure if that would just make it harder for him to breathe.

Riku frowned and looked up at the sky, feeling the light drizzle on his cheeks, sliding down his neck. It didn't feel too unpleasant, but was sure to be a bother to a sleeping person. For awhile, Riku simply breathed, feeling as if he was deciding on something more than the position of the sheets, but unsure of what that something was.

With another sigh, Riku rolled his shoulders and looked down, hands already outstretched and halfway across the distance between him and Sora. However, he realized there were eyes looking back—drowsy and unfocused, but open nonetheless. Riku closed his hand and watched Sora's face, searching for signs of discomfort.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Riku whispered.

Sora shook his head while stretching a hand up, then the other. Slowly, he sat up, groaning all the while, and Riku had to stop himself from pushing Sora back down and telling him to go back to sleep.

His displeasure must have shown in his face, for Sora rolled his eyes and lightly elbowed him, only hitting the side of Riku's thigh.

"Stop making that face, I'm okay," Sora said, though it was followed by a yawn. He stretched again, a high pitched sigh coming from him. "...But are  _ you _ okay? You seem tired."

Riku considered lying, or offering a non-committal answer in response, but he thought of how many times they've circled through conversations like this over the course of the week. By now, Riku no longer possessed the energy to play the same game.

"... Exhausted," he admitted after only a moment of silence.

"I feel like I've been telling you to rest at least five times a day lately." Sora hummed. "Maybe more."

Riku looked down at his own hands. The apologies had become hollow, as well. Tired and meaningless. He sighed. "Yeah, I know."

Sora didn't bother joining Riku on the seat, body curling on the wooden curve of the boat. Riku could only vaguely see his eyes, turned black in the darkness.

"So, what's on your mind?" Sora asked, and somehow, he seemed too loud, despite the quietness of his voice.

"The rain." As if to prove his point, a raindrop fell on Riku's eyelashes, forcing him to close his eyes. "It's been raining for most of the night."

As if only now noticing the weather, Sora looked up and stared at the sky. "Huh." He cocked his head. "That explains why the boat is so unsteady."

At the mention of the boat, Riku went to pick the paddles up again, but paused when a particularly nasty sway had him grasping his seat for balance. He frowned.

"I'm not too worried about the rain, since it's just a drizzle," Riku said. He clicked his tongue when a gust of wind made his shoulders tremble. "At least for now. The sea, however…"

The rest was left unsaid, only a grim sounding puff of air. Perhaps realizing the seriousness of the situation, Sora straightened and crossed his arms.

"Do you think… We're in danger?" Sora asked, his voice hushed and slow, careful like he might bring upon the danger by talking about it.

"We could be," Riku answered sincerely. "We should be fine if the tide doesn't get any worse. But it's up to luck, really."

"Oh, huh," Sora breathed. "Well, I'm sure it'll be alright, just like you said!"

Riku laughed, an empty sound. Sora shuffled restlessly.

"Riku… Were you up all this time?" Riku stared at Sora in confusion. "I mean, you sound really worried, and I'm pretty sure I've been asleep for a long while… You had all this stuff on your mind while rowing all by yourself?"

"Well, I could hardly wake you up, now, could I?" Riku said. "You were snoring and everything. Plus, you get into such a foul mood whenever I force you to be up."

"Yeah, because that's a rude thing to do, Riku. A man needs his rest." Sora didn't continue right away, and Riku had a feeling he was looking straight at him. "Sleeping is a better option than staying up and working, you know?"

"Yeah," Riku said, "I know. It'd be nice if I could sleep."

"Riku…"

There was some crunching and creaking as Sora moved, shuffled about. "I'm coming over there," Sora declared, "just as soon as I can get this sheet off of me."

His movements were jerky and irritated, and something about it placed a knot of anxiety in Riku's stomach. He glanced at the ocean, the waves that he couldn't see hitting the side of the boat, shaking them both. He focused back on Sora's wobbling silhouette.

"Sora, stay where you are," Riku ordered. "Don't get up."

Sora paused for a moment, but restarted his efforts with more vigor, causing the wood beneath them to shake precariously.

"Idiot, I already said I'm coming over there," Sora said with a whine.

"I'm being serious—"

"Yeah, so am I."

Riku wanted to reach for him, but was afraid of throwing them off balance further. "Would you  _ please _ just listen to me?!"

There was an indignant sound from Sora, the one he made sometimes before yelling, or getting started on an anger fueled rant. However, whatever he had to say to Riku go interrupted by his own yelp as a particularly strong wave crashed on the boat. The whole thing tipped to the side far enough that Riku had to hurriedly clutch at the closest piece of wood. There was a loud splash of water, then sudden silence.

His eyes snapped to where Sora had been standing, but he saw nothing there. Frantically, Riku raised a hand to the spot, making sure it wasn't his eyes deceiving him.

"Sora?" He called, voice trembling as much as his hands. "Sora!"

He was met with more quiet, even the waves and the pitter-patter of the rain just muted, barely present sounds. His mind felt blank.

"Sora, where are you?!" Riku yelled, louder this time. Loud enough to carry, travel across the darkness. "Sora, answer me!"

Perhaps he should just jump into the water in search of Sora, and his whole body screamed to do just that. Sora has been the one to follow him first, for no other reason than his love for Riku, so the prospect of doing the exact same brought no fear to Riku. The only thing stopping him was the very likely outcome where the two of them got separated, and neither could find their way back to the boat. 

And yet, the idea of Sora drowning for Riku's own mistakes was much, much worse, and bitter in his mouth. If he couldn't even bring Sora safe to shore, then none of this journey was ever worth anything.

Riku inhaled, even if it hurt to breathe, and reached for the edge. The inky water below threatened to swallow him whole, but Riku only felt a strange sense of calm overtake him.

However, just as his fingertips touched the water as he gazed into the deep black of the sea, his heart set but his body frozen, Riku heard a voice call out to him.

"Riku…?"

_ Sora's  _ voice.

"I'm here, I can hear you," Riku yelled, heart thudding in his chest. "Follow my voice!"

If he strained, he could hear the sound of Sora swimming closer. Riku continued to call for him, never letting a second go in silence, guiding Sora back to him. It did not take more than a minute, but when a hand appeared in his field of vision, Riku felt like hours had passed like this.

"Riku?" Sora called again.

"I'm right here," Riku repeated, and took Sora's hand in his. "I'm here."

It took some struggling to pull Sora back into the boat without dropping them both back into the water, but they eventually managed to do it, collapsing in a heap with Sora's arm firmly around Riku's waist, and Riku's hands fisted on the back of Sora's soaked shirt.

"Don't ever scare me like that again," Riku said, aiming for admonishing, but simply sounding scared, anxious.

"Sorry, you tried to warn me." Sora chuckled humorlessly. He was shaking against Riku, but Riku was not sure if it was due to the scare or the cold. "That was stupid."

"It doesn't matter, you're safe." Riku let out the sigh of relief that had been lodged in his throat. "That's all I care about."

"I'm glad I'm here too," Sora whispered, with some underlying meaning that Riku could not quite grasp, not while his body still burned with adrenaline.

And it was maybe the rush that made Riku say, without any filters, "I kinda wish you weren't."

He realized his mistake when Sora's body tensed up, but knew it was no use taking it back. He clamped his mouth shut, lest he say something else he would regret.

"What?" Sora asked, a dangerous tilt to his voice.

"It was stupid of me to let you come," Riku replied anyway, like all the barriers in his mind had come undone and he could not stop the cascade of emotions. "You should've stayed back in Destiny Islands—"

"Don't," Sora interrupted. His grip on Riku was tight enough to hurt. "Don't tell me you'd rather leave me behind. Just don't."

Riku frowned. "I'm just worried about you—"

"I don't care!" Sora screamed. He raised his head to glare down at Riku, and he realized with horror that there were tears clinging to his eyelashes. "I don't care about that, okay?! I'd rather be here than be stuck back there, wondering where you are, and if you are safe."

Sora took a deep breath, making Riku feel terrible for being the cause of the outburst.

"Sora…"

"I would endure  _ anything _ ," Sora continued, like Riku hadn't talked at all, "bland food, cramped and uncomfortable spaces to sleep on, limited water, sweaty and smelly clothes…  _ Anything _ , if it means I won't have to be missing you, unable to find you until you maybe decide to come back."

Riku gazed upon the fury etched into Sora's face, the tears that fell from his eyes, the way he held himself like pressing back the urge to say more, and found that he had nothing to say in reply. Riku knew he was selfish, had always been; but never felt it as starkly as he did now, as he felt glad that Sora would rather live through terrible conditions than suffer separation. He didn't know what expression to make to cover up the sick satisfaction.

"I'm sorry, Sora," he said, a broken record unable to reproduce anything else. "I'm really sorry."

"I don't want your apologies," Sora said. The fight drained out of him, and he slumped back down onto Riku's chest, ear over his heart. "Just don't let go."

Riku nodded, knowing his words were not good enough, never were. His words were deceitful, only cover-ups and diversions, untruthful. But his touch was sincere, the desperation in the way he clung was the rawest part of him, and that was the only truth Riku knew.

It'd have to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: the end at twilight


	3. twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were no happy endings, only uncertain new beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to say a very quick thank you to [Fireborn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fireborn/) for supporting this fic and helping me be excited to write this chapter. you probably didn't realize, but it meant a lot to me

Struggling to breathe had been the norm for Riku for so long, but right now, as he panted heavily and his veins burned with lack of oxygen, it felt like he was able to catch his breath for the very first time in years. No, maybe for the first time _at all_ , as his lungs had never felt this full, his body had never felt this light. The sand underneath him scratched at the skin of his exposed arms and lower back, but Riku felt too content to move. He was all too happy to stay where he had collapsed at the shore over an hour ago (if the sun was anything to go by).

Without warning, laughter grew in his mouth, and it came unbidden, the sound of it overlapping the crash of the waves. This beach was not so different from the one back at home, but different all the same. Riku heard birds caw, and laughed harder.

“What are you laughing at?” Sora asked, muffled against Riku’s abdomen. His head was half buried inside Riku’s shirt, mouth firmly pressed to his skin, but moving away was far from being one of his concerns. “It’s kinda weird.”

Riku didn’t reply right away, waiting for his mirth to calm back down, until his voice had lowered into soft chuckles. “Can’t a person be happy?”

Sora’s thought hum vibrated at Riku’s core, making him involuntarily squirm. “I mean, yeah, but you did it out of nowhere, so maybe you’re thinking of something weird. Or making fun of me.”

“What?” Riku snorted. “You’re being paranoid, Sora. Do you really think I only laugh when I'm making fun of you? Besides…” He looked down as much as he could, eyes drawn to the spiky hair sticking out from under his shirt. “I _am_ just happy. That’s all.”

That seemed to give Sora pause, enough to have him raise his head, eyes finding Riku’s with uncertainty. Under the trepidation, he saw a glint of joy, and fondness. “Really?”

“Yeah.” When Sora kept staring at him, Riku laughed again. “Is it really that strange?”

“No, I just…” Sora shook his head in emphasis. “I haven’t heard you laugh like this in a really long time.”

It was Riku’s turn to freeze, eyes drifting to the orange tinged sky above them. Not having kept track of it, it was difficult to recall the last time Riku had truly felt laughing, or had done so unbidden, without any hint of bitterness underneath. That was already proof enough that Sora’s words were true, if he had to think so hard on such a small thing. The realization brought him no sense of surprise, only a sort of resigned acceptance.

It was difficult to laugh and mean it, when his head was in a fog, clouded by the desire to run, burdened by dark thoughts and darker impulses.

“I guess you’re right,” Riku whispered as he worked himself into a sitting position, dislodging Sora entirely. He made the move to get up, palms firmly planted on the sand, but Sora’s hand in his shirt kept him rooted to the place. His lips curved into a small smile. “It’s nice, right now.”

The hesitation was back to Sora’s features, a sort of caution to the way he held himself. Like he was bracing himself for a blow.

“Riku,” he started, mouth opening and closing. He swallowed with difficulty, but said, “Was it not nice, before?”

 _Before._ Such a vague word for something that could mean so much. Riku almost wanted to ask what “before” Sora was referring to, to force him to say it out loud, instead of leaving it in the air for Riku to infer into. He clamped down on the urge for cruelty and sighed, leaning his body weight more heavily on his outstretched arms.

“I don’t know,” Riku lied. His gaze strayed to their belongings scattered on the white sand (now glowing warm with the last rays of sunlight); the last of their ration bars, a spare shirt each, bottles of capped water, the waterproof sheet, their hats held down against the wind by a bottle of sunscreen. Lastly, he looked to the wooden boat, mostly on the sand, but some of it washed by the tide. Riku felt his heart constricting, growing larger as his chest grew smaller. He released a shaky breath. “But I know this is better,” he finished.

Sora was now frowning, though there were no harsh edges to it. Only a look of contemplation, like the small sentences held more meaning than the pages of a long-winded story. Perhaps, to Sora, they _did_ hold much more, and Riku pondered that the same could be said to himself.

Riku had learned, as the years passed and he turned older, that he was made of repressed feelings, all bottled up in a container too small, left to fester until it rotted, turning him sour from the inside out. Sometimes, Riku feared that Sora would be able to taste it on him, to put his tongue to him and get a mouthful of the repugnant layer lying just under his skin. Even now, he felt that anxiety grow, and before Sora could say anything, he drew him into a kiss. 

It was the sort of thing he did to prove a point, even if only for himself. Quietly, in the back of his mind, Riku thought, _See?_

Sora melted against him, limbs and lips and heart colliding against Riku’s, molding them together not like jigsaw pieces, but like halves of a liquid separated in two different containers. When they kissed like this, with Riku’s hand on Sora's cheeks, and Sora’s fingers tangled deep in Riku’s hair, it was as if they became complete. All thoughts ceased in Riku’s mind, even the loudest of them, and it only left him with a growing sense of contentment, of familiarity.

Because like this, he knew for sure there was no part of him that felt repugnant to Sora, even if he could taste it. He licked Sora’s lips and only felt the salt in both their mouths, shared like a sweet treat as their tongues met. Riku sighed into Sora’s mouth before pulling away, his eyes fluttering open a moment later.

“What was that for?” Sora asked, voice a touch rougher.

“I wanted to taste you,” Riku replied immediately.

Sora scrunched up his nose before hitting Riku on his chest. “You’re so goddamn weird sometimes,” he said, without a hint of aversion in his voice.

“I think it’s one of my defining traits,” Riku admitted, knowing too well just how deep that fact ran. Not for the first time, Riku wondered if Sora knew how far down these little things went, where Riku was concerned.

“I like a little weird.”

Sora moved out of Riku’s lap so he could sit by his side instead, leaving Riku to convince himself that the sudden cold didn’t bother him at all. Sora always seemed to run much hotter than anything Riku had touched, a torch of brightly lit fire bringing heat to his core. Truth was, it was just that the impression of Sora’s touch on his skin was registered in his mind more clearly, more starkly. And unable to resist the electrifying sensation of it, Riku sought it out, reaching a hand to clasp Sora’s, holding it as tight as he dared without hurting the boy.

It was easy to forget the noise of the world with the two of them sitting together like this; somewhat far away from home, with their feet bare and their shoulder burnt, nothing else mattered. As it never existed in the first place. The main island was a far off memory, a blur in his mind that Riku wanted to wipe off with his thumb. And if the sea breeze was poison in his lungs, well, Riku had grown accustomed to its effect.

But accommodation never made him any favors, much less bring him any comfort. The cage he had been trapped in remained open, waiting for him to fall into it again. Closing in, so he couldn’t take a step without running into it. It was a desperate feeling, a necessity to run to the ends of the world, where he could not be caught.

It was almost on automatic that he found himself saying, “We should look into getting supplies, and check the weather forecast too.” His head was full of sea and star charts, of maps and time estimates. “We can explore this island, though it’s probably not too different from home.” The scorn was clear, he was sure, but Riku had no intentions of leaving an island to idly live in another, equally small.

Sora raised his eyebrows at him, innocent curiosity mixed in with confusion, a blend finished with a spoon of concern. “Oh,” he breathed. He stared at Riku like he could find answers there, but found none. “Uhm... You mean so we can go home?”

The way Sora squeezed his hands said more than the words themselves did, and each letter settled on Riku’s shoulder with a ferocity that wasn’t present in Sora’s voice, but that only Riku himself heard. He tensed, trying to keep himself from sagging, but it only made his muscles hurt worse than they already did.

Riku watched Sora from the corner of his eyes, trying to gauge his reaction. “Maybe? I’m not sure yet,” Riku said, and pretended he didn’t know it was a lie. “What do you think, Sora? Do _you_ want to go home?”

Sora shuffled and scratched at his cheek. His gaze avoided Riku’s entirely. “I thought that would be the intention, eventually? We can’t exactly travel on a small boat forever.”

Riku huffed. “Not with that attitude.”

Expression shifting with incredulity, Sora blew out a frustrated breath. “Oh, please, I’m pretty sure your arms will fall off at this rate.” Then, quieter, “Or one of us will get sick.” He shivered as if remembering the dive into the ocean days before, and the mild cold Sora had to keep at bay so he wouldn’t become fully sick. They were lucky it never went past a sore throat and ugly sounding coughs.

The reminder was enough to have Riku shrinking into himself. “We could always rest for a week or two before heading out,” he tried to reason. They could make this work if they tried, they _had_ to. He gritted his teeth and tried not to wince as it worsened the headache that was growing behind his eyes.

“Riku…”

He had to disentangle himself from Sora then, hand falling away as he got to his feet, walking a step ahead to stand in front Sora. The sun was setting in front of them, and if he looked over one shoulder, he could see the moon peeking out from the opposite side of the horizon.

Sora stood as well, reaching for Riku but never touching, his outstretched hand hovering in the air without making contact.

“You know we’ve been lucky so far, right?” Sora asked, the answer clear to both of them. The fact that the both of them stood on this beach now was maybe a sign that there were outside forces protecting them, carrying them to safety. And still, Riku doubted that was true. “If we face a storm on the way…”

“I know!” Riku snapped. He had spent too many sleepless nights staring at the sky and working his arms raw to be lectured on the outcomes of a possible storm. Making Sora flinch, however, was not something he enjoyed, even on a bad day.

He had to take a deep breath once, then repeat the action three more times before he felt calm enough to reply. “I know,” he repeated. “I just… Thought we had more time, that’s all.”

His words set Sora into motion, who propelled forward to clutch his arm, pulling Riku in before he could put any distance between them. “We have all the time in the world, but—”

“Oh, please,” Riku echoed Sora’s earlier words, disdain seeping in.

“Well, not all the time, that’s impossible,” Sora replied, just as impatient. He tugged Riku harder, enough to make him stumble a step forward. Sora looked up into his eyes pinned him to the spot with his gaze alone. “We have to get back at some point, Riku. For our own safety.”

Riku took Sora’s shoulders in his hands, Sora’s own hand still wrapped around his wrist, refusing to let go. “There could be more out there,” he whispered fervently. He shook Sora a little, like that would get him to _understand._ “More to see. To find. We know there are other worlds, if we just keep going—”

“That’s not how it works and you know that—”

“We could leave this place. For good.”

Sora slow-blinked. His gears seemed to turn in an equally tardy pace, emotions crossing his face one by one, until it settled on sadness. Riku felt compelled to ask what thought put that look on his face, but was too afraid to do so.

“...Do you want to leave so badly?” Sora asked.

“Don’t you?” Riku retorted.

“I don’t know. Maybe one day?” His answer was vague enough to awash Riku in discontentment, feeling denied of a resolution that he thought would be delivered. Sora shook his head. “But… Not like this, Riku.”

Riku made to step back, to pull away once again, but Sora had no desire to let go, his nails digging into the delicate skin of Riku’s wrist. It didn’t hurt, not really, but it would leave indents that Riku would be staring at for as long as it lasted.

At the end, there was no other outcome but for Riku to succumb, if only because, deep down, he never wanted Sora to let go, but feared that he soon might do just so. As long as Sora kept reaching for Riku, he would continue to fall back into him, no matter how many times he pulled away first.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he finally conceded. Riku tried not to feel too guilty when Sora sagged with obvious relief, a smile dispersing the clouds that had hovered in his expression. “Let’s find out if there are any ships headed to the main island that we can take to get home.”

Sora nodded and pushed his face against Riku’s neck, teeth gnawing on his shoulder like it belonged there. Riku ran a hand through his hair, gentle but absentminded. As the silence stretched, Sora tapped unrecognizable rhythms to Riku's back.

“You okay?” Sora mumbled.

“I will be,” Riku said, and didn’t know if he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a good time to explain that, in my head, each world has more than what's shown in the game. the towns we see are simply what part of the world is connected to the keyhole/to the other worlds. 
> 
> also, going from what's shown of Destiny Islands, the place isn't all that technological, and that's why there isn't a lot of communication between all the scattered islands (the one Riku, Kairi and Sora came from is the one I'm referring to as the main island).
> 
> Anyways, my head is still full of thoughts for this universe, but this story in particular is done. thank you for reading to the end

**Author's Note:**

> This idea literally sparked from watching a meme video, can you fucking believe it? Anyways, I can be found [@mamichigo](https://mamichigo.tumblr.com) on Tumblr and [@ma_michigo](https://twitter.com/ma_michigo) on Twitter, probably screaming or losing my mind (or both)


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